What If I die today?
What if today is the last day of my life?
What if I never get another chance to do things the right way?
What if I never get another shot?
What if I can’t start all over again?
What if this post is the last one?
What if I never talk to my friends again?
What if the last time I spoke with you is my 'last word' with you?
What will happen to me, what will happen of me?
I never thought about death, I never thought about the end, I never thought this time could be the last time.
What if I am not ready to go?
What if I still have stuff to do, hugs to give, “I love you” to say?
What if the full stop after the “bubye🙊.” is the last one.
18 years. Gone.
I always say I live with no regrets. It is the truth. I don’t usually regret anything for long. I always find a way to explain why what happened happened this or that way. I always find a way to accept things as they are. But I know one thing for sure.
I may not be living with any regret, but if I die today, I will die with many regrets.
I will regret not thanking my mother enough. I will regret not speaking about my wish and want with my dad which I wanted to share with him for over 5 years. I will regret saying to myself “I will answer later” after reading the message sent to me by my brother. I will regret not speaking whole heartedly with my friends when they needed me. I will regret the tears I never cried because I was supposed to be strong, the smiles I never gave because I was pretending to be mad. I will regret dropping my phone after hesitating to make a phone call. I will regret not finding the purpose of my life. I will regret being who I was instead of who I always felt I was supposed to be.
What if I never get another chance to make things right?
This is not my practice life. This is not a rehearsal.
No turning back the hands of time.
What has been missed is gone forever. I will never get my 18 years back. They are gone forever. Lost. I will never be able to fix what I broke 5 years ago. I will never get a chance to win back friendships I betrayed. This is not my practice life, and I already lost 18 years of it. All I can do now is beleive. I have to beleive, tonight is not the last one. I have to believe in another day to hug the people I love, to curse those I hate and was too afraid to face, to call my father back, to tell my mother how much I love her.
I'll regret for not doing things. Also some will miss me and I never want to hurt them in any way as I know how it feels to miss someone who was very close to you. I always want to stand with them and make them laugh and smile.
I know someday I'll go somewhere or maybe they'll go away from me but no one should leave with regrets.
My mother will miss me as she will not have anyone to make her laugh and smile. My father will miss me as he never told me that he loved me for he loved me so much. My brother will miss me as he'll not have anyone to fight over things which doesn't matter. My cousins will miss me. My friends will miss me as they'll miss the crackhead things I do with them. My homies will miss me as they'll not be able to wish 'Good night' thereafter and even if they, they'll never get a reply. I'll miss me because I beleived in myself and thought I could do something someday.
Just one day. Or even 30 minutes. Only 30 minutes, for me to try and fix 18 years, to embrace the feelings I rejected and denied, to tell my unspoken truth.
30 minutes to be good. To be real. To be honest.
What if I had 30 more years to live?
Would I ruin them too?
Would I shy away from what I cannot face, telling myself “It can wait”?
Would I make the same mistakes if I knew today was not the last one, that I had enough time to fix what I am breaking at the moment?
What if I thought I still had 50 more years but died tonight?
You should die with no regrets!
Cheers❤️
